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    February 18

    New Blog sites

    Hi readers... if any do pop on.
     
    I'm having too much difficulty with this msn space and so I've been slowly moving over to two blogspots. I think they have a neater look and some great features. One I've reserved for my religio/philosophy stuff and the other is all my day to day ramblings about boring random moments of life. The bebo is where I keep photo albums and quizzes etc.
     
     
     
     
     
    8:46 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it
    May 21

    Drink up me hearties yo ho...

    When I was 16, my parents went away for the weekend. The house was mine and my friends. We rented out the dirtiest Hollywood videos we were able to find... I think one was 'Crimes of Passions' starring Kathleen Turner. I don't know what the other ones were and I can't even remember who the guys were who came over for the day. What I do remember was the vomit and headaches I got after drinking 'rocket fuel' ie. a little shot of everything dad had in his drink case. Oh my God.

    The next day I had to start lifesaving training. I was still sick and hung over. I vowed never to drink again.

    Fast forward about 17 years. As I am typing this I am tasting the same rocket fuel after taste. I went to play poker and it seemed like a good opportunity to meet people and get pissed because hey, I didn't think I'd be able to compete with the poker studs.

    I did meet some interesing people, particularly one who now thinks I'm a potential child murderer but will probably forgive me due to a shared interest in all things Batman and Star wars. He has Star Wars tattoos, and unlike mine, they don't wash off.

    As the night progressed so did the alcohol. I also shared some burning herbs of an unknown origin. I ended up on the carpet ranting, writhing, and calling myself Danny Crane.

    Kessla got me home at about 2 am and I'm really proud of her to be able to pull that off. Well done. Sorry Shazryn, about the vomit but whatayagonnado?

    During the night I was able to access a computer and logged onto msn messenger. There were many stories that came out of the conversations I had that night...

    • Troy and Tracey
    • Troy and his wife in China, who is hot. Wasn't the alcohol.
    • Manda.. who seemed quite worried. You're sweet.
    • Brooke.... who the hell are you brooke. Write back.
    • Oh and of course... WK luke and Jo goes Wilder.

    There are many stories on the wide world web... this has just been one of them. Take it away Joey:

    The following transcript was written by Jo, Luke and me. I'm the incoherent one:

     

    Like a moth to the flame...

    only this time its bourbon not a flame :P
    Most people like to socialise and have a drink or two (or more lol).  Most people enjoy interacting with REAL LIVE people instead of just virtual friendships and virtual convos.  You know what I mean - real, living, breathing people who actually SHOW facial expressions without having to use emoticons.  (I can hear all the "what the's" from here lol)
     
    Anyhoo.  The Moth has been trying to do that lately.  Cos he spends WAY too much time sitting at his pc, surfin the net, wasting time, procrastinating, speaking shit... I could go on and on with this trail of thought.
     
    So... Poker Night.  Off he traipses to play poker and have a drink and maybe even a smoke.  Go figure.  The REAL world.  In the meantime, WK is muckin about on my pc (cos we haven't set his computer up yet) while I'm reading a rather absorbing book.
     
    And would you guess it but Mothy comes online.  What the?  He's spose to be "out".  Whaaaa?  Moth talks to me aka WK, WK admits its actually him online... and the two of them start conversing via my msn account (grr) with WK reading out segments of the convo to me here and there.  Turns out Moth IS out, but couldn't resist the urge to jump on his mate's computer DURING a round of poker and get online.  *shakes head*.  Drunk as a skunk he was. 
     
    All of which led to a (mostly) hilarious convo in which WK was literally pissing himself laughing over and over again. I could imagine Moth was grinning a lot too - one of those stupid I'm-drunk grins - and saying things outloud like "duh where's the exclaimation key?"
     
    Ok so I just read the convo... and thought I should blog some of the funnier parts.  Its a bit like being the only sober person at a party and watching all the pissers acting like fools.  Cept this is the online version.  :P
     
     

    Moth says:

    hi man

    i'm so drunkat the moment. at someones house. grat to talk to u again

    Joey/WK says:

    If you are at someones house playing poker, shouldn't you be like playing poker - Jo  (This was pretty much my only contribution to the entire convo)

    Moth says:

    i lost  (Shock)

    so waiting for game to finsihs, 'but missed the second game

    i'll be int eh their

    is that jo and liuke and their pc is on  (This is where you actually see the light bulb go on inside the Moth's head... he's JUST realised who he's talking to and that my pc was turned ON??  lol)

    and watching robbie williams viedo on louong re room

    so unsocialble i know... nithttgt is young tohogugh

    though 

    Joey/WK says:

    You should stop typing

    Moth says:

    yep i will ipromise soon... but ehhh.. whatareyagonna do

    kess is here. hse sayeshi

    Joey/WK says:

    Is Kess your wife?

    Moth says:

    yes. who is this.

    ha

    luke... yep kess is wiefe

    Joey/WK says:

    Ah ok.  Hello Kess

    Moth says:

    i'm sure i've told jo about wife.   (Nasty... just plain nasty.  Yeah you might have mentioned her once or twice before.  I don't know why she puts up with you.  If I were her I'd be slowly poisoning you with arsenic every night at dinner.  Might take 3 years for you to die a painful death, but at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  Food for thought.)

    yep. how are u enjoing inte coast

    hi luike

    Joey/WK says:

    I thin your husband is a little drunk  (*think)

    I like it.  (I assume WK means he likes the coast... I don't think he's actually cyber flirting with the drunk Moth.  Altho its entirely possible I guess.  Eek.)

    Joey/WK says:

    Jo just turned her back on the computer.  She doesnt want to watch anymore (I think I already had my back to the pc, cos I was reading... but I told WK to type that lol, cos he was reading it out) 

    Moth says:

    hi joey

    wow, i've bener msned jdrukng before

    not this drunk.. nvere been this druink in sooo long

    i really like it.

    but it's soo goud to talk to lyuoluo both. hi... shigh

    Joey/WK says:

    Too bad when you talk, it seems to be in a language other than english.  :P  Im gonna save this convo so you can see your typing.  (WK can be such a smart ass lol. Making fun of a poor drunkard, hardly seems fair!)

    Moth says:

    dpl

    oh wongn home kesy

    there are gilrs dancing in fron t of me

    hot girls

    classic

    oh, theyre gone 

    Joey/WK says:

    And where is your wife?  I would want to hope she is one of the dancing girls

    Moth says:

    she is here. not tdainging

    she's a hopelsess dancer

    ow

    she sjust hit me  (*gives you an extra whack*  Remember the arsenic possibility?  It just went from possibility to probability.)

    Joey/WK says:

    I would imagine so

    Moth says:

    yeah shes a bitch  (And now we all watch as the arsenic plan goes from probability to definitely-gonna-happen.  Geez, maybe thats why you've been sick so much lately.  Maybe Kess started the arsenic thing a few years ago and its finally catching up with you.  More food for thought.)

    Joey/WK says:

    Hey get this, Jo beat me up tonight cause I told one of my girl friends on the phone that Jo is fat.   (In fact I think the phrase he used was "fatty fat fat fatty" or something to that effect, when she asked what was name was again.  Grrr.  That reminds me... we need to organise WK's life insurance, you know, just in case an "accident" were to happen.)

    how unfair is that

    Moth says:

    is it fat though

    or is she got a bigh womb

    Joey/WK says:

    Doesnt matter, she is huge and easy to mock  (*keeps plotting revenge*)

    Moth says:

    i canb te bebothered fixing typose

    yeah, its funny stomach  (A direct warning, just cos I care - you guys are sooo dead.  Tell Kess to give up on the arsenic idea cos you won't live long enough for it to work)does jo's hits actually hurt  (Helllooo!  Pipes!!)

    Joey/WK says:

    Jo's hits dont hurt.. I just pretend they do to make her feel better  (Uh huh.  Sure. Its always funny when WK tries to act all strong and manly lol.  *rolls eyes*)

    Moth says:

    black eyed bees reule

    pees

    peas

    yeah she need that

    she's sooo funny sometimes

    Joey/WK says:

    So are you - black eyed bees!

    Moth says:

    hf

    oi

    i'm gonna see how much bourbon i can drink

    Joey/WK says:

    kk

    good luck

    Moth says:

    have u listened to the words to 'my hump'

    i heard they censor that song in the US.

    thy are so prudish. mainstream america

    Joey/WK says:

    Just a warning mate.

    Jo has decided to blog this convo  (Yup, almost done)

    Moth says:

    i cant play poker now  (Not that he could to start with lol)

    i'm just gonna verbalise stupid suttf instead  (And thats different from??)

    cause how the hell am i gonna play poerker

    this is no poker fadce

    Joey/WK says:

    You should so play poker now. Its like pool - the drunker you are, the better  (Ha. Funny)

    Moth says:

    but there is a keyboard heree

    and i havent speken to luek for sooo losng

    she's got mespinning.. she's got me spining. spedning all your moneyh on eme and time oneme

    Joey/WK says:

    You serenading me?  (Sounds like it to me!!  This IS turning into a cyber session!! Damn Moths... you can't trust em!!)

    Moth says:

    people are tgelling me to get off the ckepboard

    who am i serenading hahhahahahhahha

    i'm geting called awya

    i'm ready to play poereker

    poker

    well, talk to lyou later guys

    great to chat with u boths  (boths?  Both of us?  I was reading lol!) 

    it's great hafving u here. bye bye

    bye

    cya

    cya

    lllyey

    hey!

    Joey/WK says:

    cya

    yes

    Moth says:

    do uy no how hard it is to find the exlcmalition mark

    211\\

    !!!!!!F

    Joey/WK says:

    Not very :S

    Its hiding behind the shift key and the 1 key  (There's that smart ass again lol)

    Moth says:

    it is hard (Um... more cyber??)

    goth it

    by e bye

    cya later

    ttlya

    how manyh times to do u havae to say goodbye beforee u go on smn

    msn

    it's ca4ry  (I think this word is spose to be scary, and yet the only person scared here is ME!)

    bye

    Joey/WK says:

     Bye

    Moth says:

    i'm getter go

    judy nbinh hg stupid now 

     

     

    Ok so... I'm intelligent enough to decipher MOST of that convo.  But WHAT THE HELL does "judy nbinh hg stupid now" mean????

    And WHO IS judy nbinh?

    Unless its a new online abbreviation... maybe John Uses Dutch Yet Never Buys Ice Near Holland?

    Although if that was the case... then WHAT THE HELL does that mean??  Unless "hg" is actually meant to be "is", in which case that last sentence should read... John uses Dutch yet never buys ice near Holland is stupid now.  But, then again... thats a stupid sentence to start with. 

    *sigh*  Back to the drawing board.

    *thinks*  I'm just gonna assume Moth is actually trying to say that he's finally realised he's stupid.  That makes the most sense I think.

     

    Which also brings me to...

    *hits WK REALLY REALLY hard, and then bites him REALLY REALLY hard in an attempt to draw blood... just to prove that I CAN and DO hurt him*

    *watches as WK cries like a baby*

    Revenge is sweet.

     

    And the moral to this story???  Heck, there's no moral, no point.  Cept to say that this convo is undeniable 100% proof that...

     

    Men are just plain nasty and just plain stupid... but at least they have a somewhat higher entertainment value when inebriated.

    10:34 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (3) | Permalink | Blog it | Blogged down
    May 20

    School

    I hate blackboards. I hate the sound they make and I hate trying to write on them. The chalk keeps breaking off in my hand. It's like Clarke Kent trying to use a mobile phone... surely he crushes the thing every time he presses a button. I mean he a guy who can stop a speeding Boeing. He'd have to show incredible restraint when shaking someone's hand. Wouldn't his hand feel like rock? How does he hide that cape? I think it'd bunch up behind his shirt. He'd look like a hunchback. Of course no one recognised Clarke as Superman... "Ol' hunchback Clarke we call him in the office, yeah sure he looks like Superman but the guys a freakin' hunchback. Deformed bastard!"
     
    So yeah, I much prefer a whiteboard except that the pens dry up so quickly. I still can't write neatly like that. There should have been sign writing classes at uni. My board writing looks retarded. Still, other teachers seem to be able to do it.. sigh. "That freakin' Mr B.. can't even write straight; deformed bastard."
     
    School sux. Yeah ok ok, we get lots of holidays and a decentish pay. But, flip, I don't seem to be able to turn off. Marking everynight, paperwork, journaling the bad behaviour, planning tommorows lessons, thinking up ways to keep them from going feral, playing mind games with the evil ones. It's my job to educate these kids before they turn into homeless street punks. I KNOW I"ve got potential supervillains in my classroom.
     
    I'm tired and I want to watch Prison Break and go to bed without worring about the next day. I want to watch prison Break without Imagining the brats in my class ending up in there. Sadly, I want some of my students in there. Some of them already think they are. I gotta relax in the classroom more I think. I can't take it too personally when kids fail my exams. Perhaps I should just make my exams easier... good idea.
     
    • Play ground duty sux.
    • Wet weather lunches are depressing as hell
    • Parents and their carpark mafias... grrrr
    • Staff meetings are truly boring

    Actually, I'm being negative because there are heaps of good things about teaching. I'll talk about them next time. I doubt I'll get any sympathy from this blog... just eye-rolling. I deserve that. Whinging is much more fun than goo goo ga ga perky praising.

     
    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
    12:41 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | View trackbacks (1) | Blog it | Blogged down
    May 17

    WHY?

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
    • Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
    • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
    • Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
    • Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
    • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
    • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    • Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
    • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
    • Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
    • Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
    • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
    • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
    • Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
    • How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
    • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
    • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
    • In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
    • How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
    12:38 AM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | View trackbacks (3) | Blog it | That's just funny
    May 13

    Moth chat

    u spat at me no not at you, just in your direction can at me it just didnt reach

    Chunks of chats from MSN Moth chats...

    8:02 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | View trackbacks (3) | Blog it | Poetry and quotes... some are even mine!
    February 19

    Jack Bauer

    What Would Jack Bauer Do?

    Here's a great list of Jack Bauer facts for all you 24 fans. And if you're not familiar with 24, then, well, you really should be. Thanks to Sharelle @ http://adjust.blogspot.com/


    FACTS ABOUT JACK BAUER:


    Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
  • Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

    • Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
    • Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
    • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
    • 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
    • Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
    • Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


    • When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
    • You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
    • Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.


    • Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
    • Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
    • Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
    • Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

    • When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
    • When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
    • Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
    8:06 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | View trackbacks (13) | Blog it | That's just funny
    January 14

    Firsts

    First time on the internet... on a PowerPC Macintosh Computer with Caloundra.net in 1998

    First memory... I think it had something to do with toffee apples

    First car... 1973 Citroen CS (nice ride... but a bastard to maintain)

    First video ever rented... animated 'Lord of the Rings' - about 1984

    First ever crush... Blonde katie Russel in Primary School (where are you now I wonder)

    First book ever read... I'm pretty sure it was the Lion witch and Wardrobe after grade 4 teacher read the Magician's Nephew to us.

    First record... Sesame St Disco (first cassette - Fr Abraham in Smurfland)

    First CD... The sound of Music

    First concert... Elton John touring with the Melbourne Symphony orchestra 1987?

    First comic book... Batman: A death in the family - 1989 (the issue where the second Robin gets crowbarred to death by the joker. Actually I'm forgetting the millions of Richie Rich and Archie comics I used to buy.. oh and the Smurf comic books. they were great and I still have them.

    First job... Selling newspapers to caravan park residents

    First kiss... Stranger in Queen St Mall, New Years day 1987

    First plane ride... to Sydney on the way to the States

    First hippidy dipiddy... 1988 while gf's parents were at church

    10:11 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (4) | Permalink | View trackbacks (13) | Blog it | Me ME Me
    January 04

    I slit my wrist today - accidently (wrong side of arm for a start)

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    Hi. so what did you do to yourself now?

     Can you NOT see a fan

    You couldnt feel the breeze of something?

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    I'm gonna blog a pic of my gored up wrist

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    gross

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    but seriously, could you miss a fan

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    well they move fast

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    sort of blurred in peripheral vision

    EEK... it's Joey says:

     but you can SEE, HEAR AND FEEL a fan

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    I didnt

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    three different senses

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    I felt it!

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    ok ok two diff senses. cos your ears are f**ked.

    did it hurt?

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    I had music playing loud too

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    I was writhing on the floor yelling blasphemies at the top of my voice for 5 minutes

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    surprised the nearby residents didnt call the police ...

    in the background 'Numb' was playing on the cd playe

    then 'somebody save me' from the smallville soundtrack

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    thats ironic

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    concentrating on the lyrics kept me alive

    EEK... it's Joey says:

    It cant be that bad tho *rolls eyes* and you call ME a drama queen

    Moth... and we're all in this together says:

    Well it was i thought my wrist snapped off... plus the fall. It was a moment.

    11:23 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (7) | Permalink | Blog it | Health and wellness
    December 29

    Stuff and nonsense

    Coffee
     
    I've never liked coffee. There's too many types and blah... just sounds too comlicated. I've always been a Milo drinker... and I think that's a bit childish now that I think about it. I bought my wife a neat little Philips Senseo coffee maker and all you have to do is put the Macona pods in it and some water and 30 seconds later -voila- it's done. I had two coffees tonight. I think I've finally grown up! nahhhh...
     
    Is it just me?
     
    Do you sometimes pick up a knife and fork and forget how to use them? or forget which hand to put them in? Happens to me all the time. Today I forgot which pedal was the brake (sad thing it is an automatic... happy thing is, I missed the car near me).
     
    I love junk mail
     
    but I hate it when you look at them after Xmas and find out how ripped off you were by not waiting a few weeks. Oh... and next year... don't buy anything that takes batteries! How much money did I have to spend to put batteries in the kid's flamin toys. I'm so sick of putting batteries in everything. And I'm sick of the pile of things that have to be returned because they're the wrong size or just don't flamin work.
     
    Damn, I LOVE the huge metre tall Batman figure I got for Xmas. see pic below. I hug this thing... I pray to this thing... welll... I have hugged it on occasion... eep!
     
    I love camping catalogues. Amazing how many things can be folded up nowadays.
     
    Skydiving
     
    Ok, spent a good part of yesterday waiting for my sister in law to jump out of a plane. She and her boyfriend gave themselves a Christmas present that lasted for about 2 minutes and cost about $600... They had a great buzz and it would have been fantastic and I'd do it in a minute if someone paid for me - no worries at all... I just think there are many more things you could do with the money to get a greater buzz for a lot longer than two minutes.
     
    Tattoos
     
    I went past the tat parlour this week and checked out the batman designs.. hmmm... maybe... more thought.. no need to rush. Kess got a tat recently and will get it coloured in soon. see pic below. Tanya got one on her lower back also. See the flower tat below
     
    Xmas
     
    Apart from an awesome Storm in the afternoon the day was as stupid as I thought it would be. Three arguments:
    1. Is anthony Callea gay? Mum said, 'of course not'. I said, 'so what if he is?'. Dad said, "At least he's not a paedophile". I said, "How offensive is that to put homosexuality and paedophelia into the same sentence" (oh btw, sorry for putting them both in the same sentence). I made if very clear to everyone in my family that I had no ill to speak of anyone who is gay. This was sort of like coming out of the closet for me. LOL
    2. Elmer Fudd was not the character who chased Heckle and Jeckle off his farm. I'm pretty sure H&J were not even Warner Bros characters, but I'm too scared to see if I'm correct. Also the Coyote who chased the Road Runner was NOT named Charlie Coyote and NEVER was... his name is and always has been Wile E. Coyote. Damn my uncle for not being so rich... otherwise I would have got up him severely for CORRECTING ME on these important issues. I want part of his Will. Yeah I'm a suck up.
    3. My sister believes that contraception is akin to murder. She practically called me a murderer because I chose to have two children. Dingbat.

    Hey guess what? I'm sick with a sore throat again. I've been shaving a little off my sleeping tablets each night for a couple of weeks now. So far so good. A little hopeful I can kick this habit by the end of the year.

    Reading a book by William Diehl "Show of Evil"... the sequel to "Primal Fear" - Good!

     

    Went to Gardener falls. Danny and I got competitive and tried to be the first to find the bottom of the deep rock pool. We swam out to the middle with big rocks then let ourselved drop. I had to repressurise twice on the way down. Must have been towards 20 metres. We sank fast and for ages until it was completely black with a hint of blood red way up at the surface. Very freaky... really awesome. My ears were stinging. I ran out of breath. But when he quickly went back up to the surface I dedided to get comfortable and sit down for a while. My lungs were killing me so I kicked at the rocky floor and started my ascent. I seemed to be swimming up for ages and thought I was there... nope not yet... keep swimming. Ahhhhh... Oxygen. So sweet.

     

    Last blog of the year soon, and the last blog of this space is being prepared. If you are a regular reader, you'll notice that I've been a slack little blogger recently (not enough comments from readers either.. hint hint... i'm an egotistical monster... I NEED FEEDBACK.... I think I'm drying up this time. My energy has been elsewhere. The ex-cult fundy forums are getting my attention... I may blog fortnightly or monthly or just when something significant happens. Maybe if I get broadband in 2006. this crap is too slow. takes too long to blog...

    For now, the next blog will finalise and summarise the hell that 2005 has been.

     
    1:00 AM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | Blog it | Blogged down
    December 12

    Satan Santa

     
     
    Is Santa Satan? (continued)
     

    "little kids believe and have more faith in their Santa than all the Christians of the world. If the Christians of the world could just catch a spark of that faith these kids have in Santa – we would have a world-wide revival. Have you ever considered how unbelievable and powerful Santa is?"

     

    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each house, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

    . . . a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound.

    The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons.

    This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules [jewels-measurement of energy] of energy. Per second.

    In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
    (SPY Magazine, January 1990)

    8:31 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | Blog it | That's just funny

    Ebola Monkey Man (and Satan Santa)

     
    I love this website, it is the funniest stuff I have read in years. honestly... legendary!
     
    ATTENTION: This site is dedicated to all the hardworking people who have either been scammed or annoyed by a Nigerian 419 Scam Artist.  My intention is not to offend anyone.  OK, that's a lie.  My intention is to offend anyone who will sink low enough to take advantage of a hard working person.  I love all people, except those that cause pain.  If you are not a scammer and find this page offensive, use your head and please do not add it to your favorites section. Oh, and relax, it's all in good fun.
     
     
    Contains lots of info (pagan/biblical) ............why is Santa such a threat????.. 

    P.s. caution!!!    right down the end of the page you'll read a pretty heavy witnessing/sales message brought ot you by 'dailatruth ministries' with the usual 'heaven or hell' message. ...and with that thought a very Merry xmas to them.

    I am sure many reading this are thinking, "Aw, c'mon, Santa Claus is just fantasy. What is the big deal. Nobody takes it serious."And that is where you are WRONG – DEAD WRONG! Those little children take their Santa very serious! They literally worship him! They believe and love Santa with all their heart!

    Most parents would never teach their beautiful little children such a lie as Santa Claus. Most parents would never openly lie to their children. Especially something that is a blasphemous imposter of the Lord Jesus.

    And Satan knows this.

    So he disguises the lie in a nice little package of make-believe and fantasy. He creates a harmless ol' jolly fellow that just loves little children. And most parents think, "Now what could be wrong with that?"

    Fantasy. . . Satan's “magic weapon.”

    Satanist Anton LaVey, author of The Satanic Bible and founder of the First Church of Satan, writes fantasy is a "magic weapon" in Satanism.

    "Fantasy plays an important role in any religious curriculum, for the subjective mind is less discriminating about the quality of its food than it is about the taste. . . Thus, fantasy is utilized as a magic weapon [in Satanism]. . . The Satanist maintains a storehouse of avowed fantasy gathered from all cultures and from all ages."
    (Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Rituals, p. 15, 27)

    Lavey knows the message of Satan can be quietly preached under the mask of fantasy. Parents will allow things, such as Santa Claus, under the cloak of fantasy into their little child's tender mind that under "serious" circumstances they would never allow in a million years. It is just fantasy. But in the vulnerable mind of that little child – IT IS TRUTH!

    Of course, you and I do not take Santa seriously. We know Santa Claus is fantasy. But those little children are deceived in believing "with all their heart" in a god that is a replacement for the Lord Jesus Christ.

    What happens when these little children realize that Santa Claus is a lie? What happens when they later are presented with the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ? What happens when they are asked to "trust and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ"? The following conversation of two young boys actually took place. And I am sure it has taken place many times. They were discussing the Lord Jesus Christ. Here is the conversation:

    One boy asks the other, "What do you think of all this Jesus Christ stuff"? And the other boy replies, "It all sounds like another Santa Claus to me – probably just another lie."

    Santa is Satan's counterfeit of the Lord Jesus Christ.

    Once you get that child believing with "all their heart" in Santa then the next logical step is – Jesus and Santa they are both the same – and they are both a LIE.

    Obviously, not every person that believes in Santa Claus as a child will deny the Lord Jesus Christ. The truth is, the author of this article "believed in" Santa Claus as a child. The author did not trust the Lord Jesus Christ until he was 20 years old. And furthermore, there is absolutely no doubt whatsoever, that the lie and god-like attributes of Santa Claus influenced my early doubts and confusion about the Lord Jesus Christ.

    Someone once said "Jesus Christ is nothing but a Santa Claus for adults." That was my belief of Jesus Christ. . . Another Santa Claus. . . Another lie.

     

    8:28 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | That's just funny
    December 09

    NEW SHOES

    Last day of school. I have a lot to say about it as I reflect on the year but am too tired and 'headachey' to do it now. A huge day cleaning and moving classrooms in ridiculous heat. I can't stop thinking about the school I should be working at that has just got air-conditioning installed into their computer labs! JEALOUS!!! oh well... that's life eh?
     
     
    Go Wilder...
    There are SOME funny bloggers who continuously bag teachers... give 'em a break eh. Sure there are some jerks and bitches but there are jerks, bitches and up-themselves ego maniacs in every community!
     
    At last - real music! My little bro Robbie, burnt me 3 full dvds of music he has downloaded with broadband. I am in music heaven. All the music i have been financially deprived of is now on my PC. I love that. I've been busy renaming all the files of hundreds of songs so that my mp3 players will scroll the titles with artist and song title. It's a huge job and a bit of an OCD i think. All my Christmases have come at once... and I've finally caught up with the real music world... (not that contemporary Christian music is alllll that bad - just most of it).
     
    • Missy Higgens
    • Ben lee
    • Ben Harper
    • Green Day
    • Cold Play
    • Blink 182
    • Keith Urban
    • Kelly Clarkson
    • Radio head
    • Something for Kate
    • Peter Murray
     
    Euro MTV awards: I gotta say I love Madonna's stuff. Pure pop genius. I'm not sure about this latest 70s revamp look. Haven't the 70's been redone to death over the last decade? And I'm not sure what to think about her but in the video clip... shouldnt' think about it all i suppose... (camel toe yeek!). Robbie Williams is so up himself but in a loveable obvious way.
     
    wow.. Shakira is wiggly!
     
    James Blunt - Best NEW Act (Euro MTV awards...) Get this album. Download it, copy it, whatever. It is brilliant! I haven't been so taken with an album in ages. Every song on first hearing feels like I've known it all my life. I think that's the hallmark of a good album.
      
    My new Croc shoes!
     
     
    I bought new shoes and am completely in love with them. They are sooo weird... and are guaranteed not to smell... bacteria resistant. Sand resistant.. water resistant... sigh... this is a pretty unmale thing to do ... write about shoes...? Whatever.
     
    They are made from PCCR material • buoyant • ergonomic italian styling • weighs only ounces • comfortable closed toe design • orthotic foot bed • ideal for inclement weather • slip resistant and non-marking soles • ideal for work and outdoor environments.
    10:41 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | Blog it
    December 06

    I'm finally coming out

    Staff meeting - today
     
    Topic - changing classroom
     
    Quote from principal:
     
    "Peter will be coming out during the third week of the new term"
     
    My reply:
    "Yeah... and proudly too"
     
    I can't seem to escape the gay rumours. One way all the other, I seem to get them. This was funny though. I've been pretty quiet at the staff meetings and around the staff but now I'm getting famous for being the gay Santa.
     
     
     
     
    10:37 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it | That's just funny
    December 05

    Two Santas for the price of NONE

    Rain... I love it when it's here and miss it when it's gone. Come back soon please.
     
    Santa update (warning... self congratulatory praise follows in a very big-headed way):
     
    I did a live community carol night, playing two separate Santas. For my classroom skit, we sang 'when Santa got stuck in the chimeny'. I was dressed in my cheap Santa outfit and had a chimeny top on stage, to wiggle in and out of, when the kids sang. My ad-libbing was inspired and genius. You may be reading this and thinking "sheeesh, ok big head"... but I stand by it. I upstaged the poor kids but was soooo happy to have a crowd to play to. I really do enjoy a big audience and a microphone. It's been sooo long since I've had the opportunity to be strange in front of one.
     
    Then I had to do a quick change and dress into the REAL Santa outfit and come out to greet the crowd and do the Santa Thang. I was doing the old frail act and, as I was leaving the stage, I felt like doing a Wonka and left with a huge forward somersault. I pulled it off without damaging my back too much but I did lose my wig and hat. The hat floated down onto the stage behind me but I think I managed to keep offstage with my lost wig... All in all a great move... (pats own back again heartily).
     
    The principal said he'd get me a bottle of whisky for doing the gig. As yet it's not forthcoming, dammit.
    11:20 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | Blog it | Blogged down
    November 15

    Santa's first night

    Santa is back. Tonight marked my first night this year as a Myerstore Santa. Youngest Santa in Qld! (winks) After working all day trying to control an increasingly difficult class I had to rush to Myers get in my costume and sweat like crazy for 5 hours inside an itchy and suffocating big white beard. As I sat there on the Myers VIP sale night all I could think of was what I could write in my blog about it all. It's a surreal thing walking around Myers in that suit. To be honest, I 'd probably do it for free, but I'm glad I get paid all the same.
     
    The best part about the job is just being able to watch people walk past and to see their reactions to seeing Santa...(I'd say perving but no one wants to imagine Santa perving... bad)  and especially seeing their reactions to seeing a Santa doing weird things. As the night progresses I get off my 'throne' and do little dances, jigs or thunderbird puppet impersonations.
     
    The other funny thing about the job is the thought that my big nose is on so many photos displayed near their xmas trees... and people are actually paying money to have photos of my big nose next to their kids. That's got to be some sort of 'fame'? Showbusiness eh...
     
    So many cute kids tho... it's pretty magical to see kids come up to me with the widest eyes you can imagine (some are terrified too - they are the smart ones I think). I had a few teenagers gather around me and talk inanely about nothing for ages. When I revealed I was a teacher they commented on how sad it was that people would 'choose' that as a career. I told them that under no circumstances will they now get any ipods for Xmas.
     
    The hours pass by reallllllly slowly on the Santa chair. It was a bit sad watching the old photographers sleaze themselves onto the Santa's helpers.
     
    I bumped into someone before my Santa shift tonight. Did you really have to look SO terrified? I didn't even have the suit on yet! Was it the realy beard that was so frightening... Another surreal moment.
     
     
     
    11:16 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it | Blogged down
    November 12

    Quick there's a storm coming... go to the beach!

     
    When there's a storm coming, I like to get out of the house and be a part of it. Here on the coast it never hits hard... just lots of water and some loud bangs. Wussy weather here.
     
    It's so bloody rare to get a weekend good enough to go to the beach and get decent waves... little or no wind... no blue bottles in the surf... and sunny weather.
     
    I love swimming in the rain... and I hate people who say not to do that because you'll get wet. Bloody 'dad' jokes.
    12:15 AM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it | Phamily Fotos
    November 10

    All the big problems in life are due to cars... and lots of other stuff too I suppose, but for now... CARS!

    Stressed and depressed. I went out tonight to the bloody caryard with my very assertive mate... (me - not so good with assertiveness and confrontation) to look at their clearance sale. We ended up talking to the owner/manager and seeing what he could do for us. This is the biggest caryard on the coast. We were promised 6 months ago that our lemon would be replaced. They have spent heaps of money keeping our Barina going and I thought they would be sick of hearing from us. actually... I don't feel like finishing this story.... I'll pipe up again when we have a happy ending.
     
    ... oh but let me say this. The manager is a multimillonare who also pastors one of the biggest churches on the coast... we were members of his church for a couple of years and his daughter used to be Ks best friend 16 years ago. The desparation he showed tonight to save himself five cents on the overpriced clunker was pathetic. He suggested praying about the situation.
     
    Hmmm... prayer... thanks, good advice you money grubbing bastard. If things do happen to go in our favour then God will get praise... if it works out to shit.... then it wasn't meant to be. I'm feeling a lot of people are starting to get annoyed with God's inconsistency and the whole divine concept.
     
    This is your typical underdog takes on the bigwig scenario. I just wish the underdog wasn't such a freaking pussy. Me.
    10:36 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (5) | Permalink | Blog it | Blogged down
    November 09

    Violet Crumble

    When I was growing up I would eat Crumble Bars (apparently called violet crumbles) every Tuesday (from the green grocer (a mobile grocery store) and Sunday (after church - it was the main reason I endured an incredibly boring catholic mass). 
     
    The only way I have ever eaten a crumble or crunchie bar is by nibbling the chocolate sides off first and then slowly dissolving the honeycomb... savouring every crumb. Is there anything better than chocolate covered honeycomb. I don't think there is. I generally eat Mars bars the same way. Snickers are good too. Aren't Snickers great? Maltesers are my chocolate of choice.. no, actually M&Ms are for me... yeah... just had some then...
     
    Every Tuesday, when I was growing up in Banyo a green-grocer would stop by. Back in those days there seemed to be a lot more enterprising mobile services. Milk, fruit and veg, ice-cream, etc
     
    From Safran's 'Speaking in tongues' sbs talk show-
     
    Father Bob's Billboards:
     
    This church is prayer-conditioned
     
    God wants full custody not just weekend visits
     
    The best vitamin for a Christian is B1
     
    Looks like you need a faith lift

    Image hosted by Photobucket.com

    12:42 AM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it | Food and drink
    November 02

    A dull blog

    This morning I woke up and had a shower.

     

    I had a smoothie and an apple. The smoothie consisted of banana, strawberries, honey, yoghurt, cinnamon, icing sugar, egg and milk. Mum popped in and went on about Catholic stuff. I left quickly and drove to work.

     

    At work - It's hot. I've got a new student who just moved here from England and has come straight to school. He hasnt even looked around outside of this town yet ... everyones loves him because he looks and sounds like Harry Potter (lot's of these lookalikes everywhere it seems). He confirmed what I was thinking... it's too hot here. Nice kid. Funny and smart too... keeps asking me questions like "what's a cubby house?"

     

    This day is going on forever. One of my other students has been having panic attacks all week. She's been sitting at her desk and crying endlessly. We just had a meeting with the counsellor and she seems to be dealing with her anxiety a bit better. Hmmm, or is it that she suspects her teacher is a mental case.

     

    Another student told me, matter of factly while I was marking her work, that her dad died last week in a car accident. She didn't seem to care.

     

    I'm going to go home soon.
    1:46 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it | Blogged down